Selfish
by LizbethMarie
Summary: One shot Song fic! BellaxCarlisle what if Bella never jumped from the cliff and Jake Imprinted. Set 4 years after New Moon.


**A/N: I'm currently working on another story "No, turning back now." But I heard this song and I needed to write this one shot before I forgot. To the song Selfish by Nsync. It came to me, and it was too perfect!! Hope you enjoy!! I recommend that you download the song and listen to it while reading. It makes it more…It's more connecting that way. **

**Selfish**

_It was odd being back in Forks, Washington… Nevertheless, it was home to me… Even though four years ago we left abandoning the human. Isabella Swan. She was not mine, but I wanted her to be mine. She was in my every thought. My every desire. I would do anything for her. However, we left. We left her broken and hurting. When all I wanted to do was, gather her in my arms and pepper her face with tender kisses. I would never leave her that way. I would do anything to make her happy. My family was upset with me. I left; I had lived with them long enough to know how each other their powers worked. I could change my mind rapidly and send Alice on a wild goose chase. I could think of all different kinds of things and Edward would have no, clue. Although he hadn't been staying at home… But then there was her… My wife. My love. I left her behind as well. I always knew she wasn't the one. The one who was meant for me. But I had assumed that she was already dead and gone. Then I met Isabella. She was the air that filled my lungs she made my dead heartbeat and feel unconditional love and joy. I had been home for two weeks. I had yet to announce my return to the community… I had been following Isabella, watching her closely. She looked happy. Not really happy. But enough for a human. She was single. She was working at the local bookstore. Doing inventory and ordering. She still took care of Charlie… Although she had her own one bedroom house. It was small and cozy, nothing extravagant about it. It was plain, but it suited Bella well. She drove a Ford Taurus. It was gray. This also suited her. It wasn't flashy saying look at me. She was doing well blending in. She was working at getting her nursing degree, and would be working at the hospital in the evenings. It was perfect, absolutely perfect…_

BPOV

I was sitting in Charlie's living room waiting for the chicken casserole to be done in the oven. It would be my first night at the hospital. Working as a nurse, well in training. I had completed school and now it was the moment of truth. I would be working only 2-3 nights a week, but on top of the store, it was enough. I would have extra money and I could start to think about leaving. The only reason I stayed was hoping in vain that Edward would return. It was stupid. But I couldn't seem to let go. The buzzer dinging let me know it was done. I walked over and used the oven mitts to take it out and let it cool. I cut up carrots, cucumber, red onion, green pepper, and tomatoes to add to the salad. Cheese in a small bowl on the side along with croutons. I had the table set when I heard Charlie at the door. He walked in looking confused.

"Hey dad." I greeted.

He jumped and clutched his chest, "Bells. You scared me… What are you doing here?"

I was genuinely hurt, "I made you dinner. It's my first night at the hospital."

"Oh, that's right. Sorry kiddo." He chuckled.

"What's wrong Dad?" I asked studying his face.

"Nothing." he said a little to fast.

"Dad…"

He let out a loud sigh, "Well I wasn't going to tell you, but you'll see tonight anyways."

I narrowed my eyes staring at the anxious way my dad was twitching, "What?"

"Dr. Cullen is starting back at the hospital tonight."

My smile faltered and if I hadn't been leaning against the counter, I was sure I would have fallen.

"Are you okay Bella?" Charlie asked with concern.

"Are… Are… They…" I began my lips quivering.

"No, he's alone."

That struck me as completely absurd, "Alone?" I repeated.

"Apparently him and what's her name Esme, disagreed on a few things… So he left. The kids are grown up and some still live with her. But he moved out." Charlie replied, trying to remember the gossip accurately.

I was floored Carlisle Cullen left Esme? Impossible. I shook my head not wanting to stay on the subject of the Cullen's anymore. Instead, I began to serve the food.

"This looks great Bells." He smiled gratefully.

"Thanks Dad. I cook better when I'm nervous."

"Well you'll probably learn a lot from Dr. Cullen."

I nodded mutely and stayed quiet through the rest of dinner.

I left Charlie's feeling very self-conscious… I contemplated calling off, but he would probably find me. He was good like that. I drove to the hospital and walked through the employee entrance and into the break room. I walked over to the locker I had been assigned. I put my stuff away and looked at the clock. I had a half an hour. I sank into one of the chair with my head in my hands.

I felt him before I saw him, but I didn't acknowledge him.

"Bella." He said quietly.

I looked up and into the kind golden eyes of Carlisle.

"Carlisle." I greeted with slight coolness to my voice.

He winced and looked me straight in the eyes. I felt myself grow slightly uncomfortable. He was drinking me in from head to toe.

"I was hoping you'd still be here." He said.

"Why?" I asked with bitterness.

"We never meant to leave you Bella. He was supposed to bring you with us. We didn't know his true plans until it was too late." He explained.

Suddenly the hole was back; I wrapped my arms around my torso holding myself together.

"Why are you here Carlisle? Where's Esme?"

He looked shocked that I knew she wasn't here. For a moment, it looked like embarrassment and guilt.

"She wasn't my true mate. We divorced and we've gone our separate ways."

I felt like the earth shifted. "But you two were always so perfect."

"Yes, but we weren't meant to be." His eyes searching mine.

I bit my lip nervously, "What about the others?"

He considered for a moment, as if he wouldn't answer than spoke. "Emmett and Rosalie are living in Alaska going to college. Alice and Jasper are with Esme in Maine. And last I heard Edward was in South America."

I didn't expect it to hurt so much the sound of his name. Before I could stop it, tears were streaming from my eyes.

"Sorry." I mumbled trying to regain control over my emotions.

His cold fingers gently wiped the tears away and his touch felt like a thousand shocks. I gasped softly look at the look in his eyes.

"I should clock in." I said quietly.

"Can I buy you breakfast after work Isabella?"

"I don't really like to go out…"

"I could cook for you."

"Ok."

I couldn't understand the sudden attraction I had to Carlisle but I knew I shouldn't be letting him do anything for me when it came to breakfast or anything else. But I had questions and I wanted to know why he even cared about me…

I just don't understand

Why you're running from a good man baby

Why you wanna turn your back on love

Why you've already given up

CPOV

_Work was long and tedious. There was a lot to catch up on. It was annoying all the newer nurses flirting shamelessly with me. I ignored them. There was only one human I was even remotely interested in… Isabella. I would be making her breakfast. _

I walked up to her slowly, "Bella?"

She turned and flashed me a weak smile and my cold hear soared. "Carlisle."

"Well my dear, am I cooking at your home or…"

"Mine… I'm not ready to go there." She said honestly.

I followed her out and she motioned for me to follow her. Which I did. Her scent was surrounding me. Freesia and Strawberry. It was intoxicating and I felt myself begin to get hard. Mentally I kicked myself. Bella was not a one-night stand. I would have to be patient…

We drove up to her small home and I got out of the car.

"This is home." She smiled.

"It's lovely, and it suits you."

She blushed and it was nearly my undoing. It was already taking all of my self-control not to kiss her. To make her see that I was in love with her.

She led me into the kitchen where I immediately began preparing her a ham and cheese omelet.

BPOV

"Why did you come back Carlisle?" I asked curiously.

He glanced at me and let out an unneeded breath. "To check on you."

His answer caught me by surprise. "Why?"

"Bella…" His voice was pleading with me to drop it.

But I couldn't I was even more intrigued now. I slid off the stool and walked over to him. My small hand tentatively reached out to his shoulder.

"What's so special about me?" I asked.

I couldn't understand why this vampire who's been around for centuries could even be remotely interested in what went on with his son's ex human girlfriend.

He turned and looked into my eyes. His were hooded and filled with desire.

"Don't you feel it?" He asked.

I was bewildered and he stepped to me his hand wound itself into my hair and he pulled my mouth to his. I was too astonished to pull away. My warm lips were on his smooth marble ones. His cool tongue begging me for permission. Without thinking, my lips parted for him.

The kiss was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I'd never been kissed that way, and I kissed him back hesitantly.

The kiss broke and I was both dizzy and disoriented. I looked at Carlisle and he was looking at me. I felt completely sick…

"You should go." I whispered looking at the ground…

"Bella?"

My name was a question and I hated myself for it.

"Go." I pleaded.

"Please don't run from me… Let me love you." He barely whispered.

That's when it all sunk in. He wanted me. He loved me. He left Esme for me.

"I can't… Carlisle… I can't."

"Don't run me from me Bella…"

I turned and walked into my bathroom locking the door. The tears fell hot from my eyes.

See you know you've been hurt before

But I swear I'll give you so much more

I swear I'll never let you down

'Cause I swear it's you that I adore

And I can't help myself, babe

'Cause I think about you constantly

And my heart gets no rest over you

You, you, yeah, yeah

You can call me selfish

But all I want is your love

And you can call me hopeless, baby

'Cause I'm hopelessly in love

You can call me unperfect but who's perfect?

Tell me what I gotta do

To prove that I'm the only one for you?

So what's wrong with being selfish?

Yeah, yeah, yeah

CPOV

Her kiss was everything I thought it would be. Her soft warm lips moving effortlessly with mine. I needed her. I wanted her so bad. She pulled back and the guilt and shame passed over her beautiful features… I was crushed.

I could understand her mistrust and hesitance. She'd been hurt deep to her core. But I could make it better. I could make everything right. She was mine. I could feel it.

I knocked lightly on the door.

"Bella. Honey come out please… I'm not him. I'm not Edward. I won't leave you." I pleaded.

I could hear her heart racing and could hear the sobs as she cried. I felt like a complete ass. But I couldn't stay away from with her. I would pursue her until I knew for sure she didn't really want me. The kiss told me that deep down she knows. She knows she's meant for me.

I stayed outside her door for hours. She finally opened the door looking completely shocked I was still here.

Her eyes were red and puffy. Without thinking, I went to her. Taking her into my arms. She didn't fight she was exhausted. I carried her to her bedroom and got her snuggled under her blankets.

Neither of us worked so I made the conscious decision to stay with her. I moved away from the bed giving her space.

"Are you leaving?" She asked.

Her voice seemed so childlike and needy.

"No."

Then she was asleep. I watched her sleep with a new fascination.

BPOV

I woke up feeling strangely refreshed as the nights events slowly returned to me. I sat up suddenly and there sitting in the corner of my bedroom was Carlisle Cullen.

"Why didn't you just leave?" I asked irritated.

This was going to ruin everything. I was finally me. I was finally leading a normal and happy life. Why did he have to come back and ruin things? Why did he tear his family apart?

"I couldn't." He stated simply.

"You're so selfish. All of you. Why'd you really leave Esme? Because of me? So you did to her what Edward did to me? All of you Cullen men are the same I want you out! I always looked up to you Carlisle you were always soo soo… Perfect."

I felt the angry tears surfacing as I tried to hold them back. I failed miserably as they fell from my eyes. Hot and heavy zig zagging down my face. I pulled my knees up to my chest and began rocking back and forth on my bed. I couldn't stand this. Why?

I let myself be flooded with memories. The memories of Carlisle and his family. Any time I was in the house and Carlisle had been home I had been consciously aware when he was near me. From time to time, I would stare at him. I would catch him staring at me… It all began when I met him the first time in the hospital. When Edward saved me from the van. He looked like he had been trying to look into my very soul. It was impossible…

"Who's perfect Isabella? Certainly not a vampire who's been around centuries. I know I'm not perfect Bella. Esme has always known we weren't meant for forever. That there is someone out there waiting for her. Perhaps they've been born. Perhaps not. From the moment I met you I knew. But you were Edwards. You were so young. It would have been improper."

His voice was lecturing and gentle wrapped in one. It was musical and soothing and I hated it. I hated the way I reacted to him.

"What about Edward?"

"He left you."

It stabbed me in the heart. It sounded so cold coming from him. Did that really mean there would be no more me and Edward? The one person I believed I was irrevocably in love with. It meant that I would grow old and die, and he would kill himself.

"Leave."

My voice was sharp and cold.

I watched him walk over and sit gingerly beside me on the bed. I flinched away from his touch.

"Isabella look at me."

I looked at him, his voice had been so commanding. A small part of me liked it. Another was scared to disobey.

He let out a slow breath.

"Isabella. Tell me what to do. Tell me what you want me to do. How can I prove that you're the only one for me? That I'm the only one for you? How can I prove my love? What can I do?"

His voice was pleading, and I did feel it. I felt a connection. But I couldn't give myself over completely. I wouldn't be that stupid twice.

"Spend time with me."

The words left my mouth before I could register I had.

His relief was evident on his face. He pulled me to him and hugged him.

I'll be taking up your time

Till the day I make you realize

That for your there could be no one else

I've just gotta have you for myself

Baby, I would take good care of you

No matter what it is you're going through

I'll be there for you when you're in need

Baby, believe in me

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months… It had been 6 months since I let Carlisle Cullen into my life. We would work together. Occasionally go to the movies. He was with me so often. But I wouldn't call him a boyfriend. He had come to dinner with me at Charlie's once. He ate the human food. He cleaned his plate. He did it with a smile, even when I knew he was completely disgusted. He did it for me.

Charlie had become suspicious about how much time we were spending together. Everyone thought he was getting so old. When in reality I was just catching up to him. I was 5 months away from turning 22...

It had been a particularity long night and I was about to punch out when I heard the screams.

"Clear a room. It's the chief…"

I was floored. I ran back out and sure enough it was Charlie on the stretcher. I could tell by the uniform. He didn't look like Charlie… He looked like hamburger meat. His face was scraped up horribly and one of his eyes was hanging. It was too much I turned and threw up.

"Susan, take her." I heard Carlisle say.

Susan who was another nurse on duty made a move to get me.

"No, this is my father… I'm not leaving."

Carlisle looked at me with pain deep in his eyes. I knew it couldn't be good.

I regained my composure the best I could and got an IV saline drip going with a bag of morphine.

"What happened?" I asked softly. More to myself.

"He was on his way home and he hit a rough patch on the curve, it was very wet from earlier. He slammed over the side. It was a bad crash."

Someone was saying, but I didn't care. I was to busy watching everyone running around. But I knew in my heart he wasn't going to make it.

"I love you Dad."

My voice broke and was raw with emotion, and I began to rant.

"I love you so much dad. I'm sorry I don't say it enough. I'm so glad I moved in with you. I really love Forks dad. I do. Please fight for me. Please dad. Please don't leave me. I still need you. Please. Don't leave me…"

The tears were coming hard and fast as I gasped and gulped for air. The sobs wracking my whole body. Then I heard it.

"He's flat lining."

"We're losing him."

"Somebody charge the paddles."

"Clear!"

They did it over and over again….

"Stop. I'm calling it. Time of death. 7:15am"

I fell to the floor in a broken heap. A strangled scream left my lips as I cried out in complete anguish and torture. "NO!"

I felt cold arms wrap around me as I sobbed.

"Shh Bella, let me take you home."

"No, he's not gone… He's not gone." I cried in denial.

"I'm sorry my love. He is."

I let out a scream from the depths of my very soul and everything began to fade to blackness….

CPOV

I carried Bella's limp body from the ER and got her settled into the back of my Mercedes. I turned and walked back into the hospital, the grief was almost unbearable. Chief Swan was well like and respected. The best police chief Forks had seen in many years.

"Dr. Cullen. What will we do?" Susan asked heartbrokenly.

"You will alert everyone; I will take Isabella home and make sure she is okay."

She nodded mutely and waked away. I surveyed the hospital briefly then returned to my car. Bella was still unconscious. She'd had a complete and udder tragedy happen in front of her, knowing there was nothing she could do.

My beautiful girl had shut down.

I drove her to my house. It seemed like the proper place to take her. It wasn't the home I'd shared with Esme. It was my first home in Forks. When it had just been Edward and I. Before Esme. It was a small two bedroom and I had spruced it up considerably. It didn't have the nice touches Esme usually took care of all that. It was masculine and you could definitely see a bachelor lived there.

I walked up the staircase to my master bedroom, I wasn't thinking. I lay her on the bed making sure she was comfortable and covered her gently. Then I sat back and watched her sleep…

BPOV

I felt like I was emerging from a terrible nightmare. It had to have been a nightmare, I'd wake up in my bed and call Charlie and he would laugh at me.

I stretched and sat up. The sheets felt like pure silk, I didn't own anything remotely this soft. My eyes snapped open and I took in my surroundings. I was in a plain but masculine room on a big bed with black silk sheets. I looked around frantically beginning to panic.

"It's okay Isabella." A voice came from the corner.

I watched Carlisle step out from the shadows surveying me as a doctor would his patient.

"No…" I began shaking my head.

The previous night replaying vividly behind my eyes… Charlie…

"I'm so sorry. We tried."

The tears were welled up in my eyes and I felt completely helpless. I had no one left. Edward abandoned me, the one person I would ever love. My mother and Phil were never home, and she barely called me anymore. She had a new life and couldn't be bothered with her adult child. Jacob had imprinted, so he never returned my calls, because he was always with her. They were expecting their first child.

For the first time… I was completely alone.

I cried for me. I cried for Charlie. I cried and cried. Salty tears slipping relentlessly down my face as I shook my head in denial.

Carlisle walked over and pulled me gently into his arms as I sobbed. I wrapped my arms around him. Clinging to him. He was here. He was real…

"Shh. Don't cry my beautiful Bella."

I stiffened slightly at the pet name. But his hand rubbing soothing circles on my back helped me to calm down.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked him pitifully.

"Because I love you Isabella."

His voice was soft and sincere. "I can't Carlisle. Can't you just be my friend?"

In a resigned voice he replied, "I'll be whatever you want me to be…"

CPOV

Over the next month I expressed my love to her by taking care of her. I helped her make the arrangements for Charlie. I stood beside her at the funeral. I cooked for her and she willingly stayed in my house. Usually on the couch.

How could she not know we were perfect together? We were meant to be together forever. She was the only one. Why didn't she know?

'Cause if love is a crime

Then punish me, I would die for you

'Cause I don't want to live without you

Oh, what can I do?

You can call me selfish

But all I want is your love

And you can call me hopeless, baby

'Cause I'm hopelessly in love

You can call me unperfect but who's perfect?

Tell me what do I gotta do

To prove that I'm the only one for you?

I had just returned from work when I noticed Bella wasn't on the couch like she usually was. I walked through the house and found her curled on my bed. Her face looked torn and indecisive. I must have picked a bad time to come home early. But I couldn't speak. I watched her lie there.

I found myself entering the room without a sound just watching her. Her eyes unfocused as if she was seeing memories.

Suddenly her light brown eyes met mine and I felt ashamed for not saying anything.

"I'm sorry. I'll be in my study."

I turned on my heal and began to leave the room.

BPOV

He was leaving the room and I had my mind set. I would try…

"Wait."

I said it softly but urgently.

He turned his butterscotch eyes meeting mine.

"Stay with me tonight?"

My voice was shy and unsure. His face broke into a most glorious grin. He glided over to me and slipped into the bed. His strong arms wrapped around me pulling me close to him. His lips gently brushing my temple. I didn't know why, but I was comforted. I snuggled into the crook of his neck and fell peacefully to sleep…

I woke up the next morning in the same position. Carlisle's hands were ghosting up and down my back and my sides. I opened my eyes and looked at him. His face was in awe and content.

I sat up and pulled away from him. I knew I wanted him. I knew deep down I did love him. That we would be great together. But I couldn't bring myself to do that. I couldn't.

"Happy birthday" he whispered.

September already? I shuddered at the thought as I tried to decide where we should go from here.

I was 22 now. I considered and weighed my options. Carlisle left for work and I made up my mind. I had sold my little home and Charlie's….So I had 600,000 dollars. I picked up my phone and dialed the hospital.

"ER." A bored voice sounded.

"Jim?"

"Yep."

"Hey it's Bella. Look. I'm quitting. I can't give you two weeks though. Please don't tell Dr. Cullen. Wait until tonight." I said in one breath.

"We're sorry to lose you, but sure. I can do that."

I smiled hanging up. Jim had always flirted with me too much anyways. I began running around the room packing all of my belongings. Well as much as I could fit into my Taurus.

I then began a very difficult letter.

_Carlisle,_

_I'm sorry I'm leaving like this. I know it's selfish of me._

_But I can't ever be what you want me to be. I can never_

_Be more to you than a friend. We could never be lovers_

_Part of me is still in love with Edward. I know what you_

_Feel and I'm so sorry Carlisle. I want to be more. I _

_Want to be what you need. But we're so different._

_You'll never age. Whereas everyday I get a little bit_

_Older. I get a little bit weaker. I can't be with you. Not_

_When we'll never be equals. I need to get out and be _

_My own person. I can't stay here anymore. I need to_

_Start over. I'm so sorry._

_Bella_

I read and reread the note, tears streaking my face as I fled. I called my old high school friend Jessica Stanley. She was a realtor in Colorado.

I stayed with her while she helped me purchase a house. I paid in cash and it came completely furnished. It wasn't really me it was more extravagant. It was a three bedroom two bath and it was 350,000 dollars. My new address was now 6336 Great Bear Cr, Colorado Springs, CO.

It wasn't someplace the Carlisle would ever think to look for me. In a cookie cut neighborhood where everything looked alike. The houses were big but not huge… It wasn't me at all. All the furnishings were lavish and expensive and felt oddly at home. There was a great room, which was purely for sitting. I had all of my books and even more books in there now.

The living room had a big flat screen. It had once been Charlie's.

The kitchen was a chef's kitchen. It was the place I felt was most like me of the whole house. I loved to cook…

The master bedroom had double French doors to open it and it was beautiful. The two other rooms I had set up for guests. Knowing full well I would never really have guests here.

I settled in and began working for the local hospital. It was nice to work and actually work. My mind wasn't constantly drifting back to Carlisle. Or searching him out through the crowded room. I felt like me. But I was also lonely….

Why do you keep us apart?

Why won't you give up your heart?

You know that we're meant to be together

Why do you push me away?

All that I want is to give you love

Forever and ever and ever

I'd given Bella several weeks. I didn't want her to be with me because I wanted her. She wanted to be with me too. But I couldn't stand being apart from her any longer. I lifted my phone and dialed her cell.

"Hello?" She answered.

Her voice was so sweet and innocent.

"Bella."

It was all I could bring myself to say. She gasped but did not hang up. Her breathing was heavy and ragged.

"Carlisle?"

"Why did you leave me? Why won't you trust me? Love me?"

I hadn't meant for any of those words to leave my mouth. It came out pathetic and hopeless.

She took a deep breath and I cradled the phone closer to me. I needed to be closer to her…

"I just… can't."

"But we're meant to be together. I know you feel it Isabella. Trust me. I'll never hurt you. I just want to be with you."

I could hear her beginning to cry, "I'm sorry. I'm not ready."

BPOV

I had been doing so well. Then he had to call and ruin it. He knew where I was, but he was giving me space. I didn't deserve his love. Why me?

I left my home and began walking. It was a cloudy day and I strolled the several blocks to the lush and green park.

_God give me a sign. Please…_

I fought with myself inside. When I heard musical laughter. I stayed completely still. I looked around and walked through the bushes. I needed to make sure my scent stayed a secret.

I peeked through were the laughter was coming from and on a swing was none other than Alice. Jasper pushing her as she laughed. Beside her on the swing was a woman far more beautiful than Rosalie. She had gorgeous strawberry blonde hair. Her features were dainty and perfect. Pushing her was a smiling… Edward.

My heart dropped to my stomach and I fell to my knees. I sobbed silently. The hole inside me was completely ripped open. All the hope I had been holding onto evaporated. I looked up to see Jasper had gone ridged. He was scanning the park. I tried desperately to reign in my emotions and it began to work. But I could hear them.

"What's wrong baby?" Alice asked concerned. Her hand sweeping across his brow.

"Pain. Lots of Pain. Heart wrenching Pain. And betrayal." He replied to her frowning.

"Human?"

"Yes, but I've never felt this kind of pain from a human in all my time…"

His features showed concern and confusion.

Alice smiled reassuringly, "All better?"

"No, whoever it is trying to control their emotions. They're getting it kind of. But it means they're nearby and I don't see anyone."

Alice's brow furrowed and she turned to Edward.

He shook his head no, looking utterly bewildered.

I felt somewhat safe and hurt when they didn't even pretend or think of me.

"Tanya?" Alice asked.

Tanya? From the Denali coven?

"Does anyone else smell the Freesia? It's intoxicating. Freesia's and strawberries."

Her eyes closed as she breathed in my scent and Edward stiffened and his head shot to Alice.

They were all exchanging knowing looks while Tanya looked completely lost.

"Bella?" Alice called tentatively. "Are you out there."

I stayed quiet, I wasn't about to meet Edward's new girlfriend and be happy for him.

Edward made a slow move towards my hiding place in the bushes. "Bella."

His voice was just as beautiful as I remembered it. I felt my heart break and the damn of emotions I was holding came flooding out of me. Anger, Confusion, Hurt, Betrayal, Love, Loss, Hate…

I watched Jasper sink to the ground incapacitated by my strong emotions. I couldn't take it. I stood and ran. I ran as hard as my feet would carry me.

I heard a gasp and rushed talking. But I didn't look back. I ran all the way to my house. I let myself in locking the door behind me. I sank to the ground and began crying. I was thankful that he hadn't followed me. I couldn't handle it.

"Bella."

I screamed as I looked up at Alice.

"Go away." I shouted at her after regaining my composure.

"What are you doing here Bella?"

"Living and working at the hospital. Not that it's your business."

"I bet Charlie would want you to go home."

Her soft voice that once comforted me now made rage well up inside of me. I stood up and squared my shoulders.

"Charlie died in a car accident. I couldn't stay in Forks. I wanted to forget all of you." I growled.

"Bella."

It was him. Edward.

I spun to face him, "Get out of my house."

He walked towards me and I side stepped him. I hadn't made any conscious decisions but I walked into the kitchen.

"I love you."

I had been waiting years for Edward and I found that now I didn't want him. I didn't love him. I did love Carlisle.

"I don't love you." I said.

He made a move towards me and before I knew what I was doing I grabbed my butchers' knife and sliced my wrist.

The blood began to spill through my veins onto the floor. Edward's eyes turned black with hunger.

"Kill me." I said to him.

"Edward NO" Alice screamed.

I sank to the floor dizzy from the smell. "Stand back."

I was sure it was Carlisle as I sunk into unconsciousness.

CPOV

I walked in hearing my son telling the woman I loved that he loved her. If he loved her he wouldn't have left her.

Then my beautiful angel sliced into her wrist and told him to kill her. I could tell her hadn't hunted in a while. Somehow Jasper, Alice, and Tanya were able to get Edward out of the house.

I rushed to my bleeding love and checked her vitals. Her heart was fading. Her blood was unusually thin. Even if I took her to the hospital there was no real guarantee that she would make it.

"Tell me I can change you."

I watched her features.

"Please tell me.

But I'd wasted too much time. I did the only thing I could to change her. I bit each side of her neck letting my venom flow through her veins. Each of her wrists and each ankle. I sealed the wounds and carried my Bella up to her room. I lay her in the too big bed and watched. Her face was contorted into a painful grimace but no sound came from her.

"She'll be okay." Alice said slowly.

I spun to face my daughter. She looked upset and confused.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her.

"We were visiting Esme…" She said not looking me in the eye.

"Alice?"

"Esme and Riley. He's newborn… He's learning the vegetarian diet. He's Esme's mate."

I sighed in relief, "I knew she'd find someone."

Alice looked up and her eyes pierced my very soul.

"I don't understand."

"Bella is mine." I said softly.

"No, she's meant for Edward."

I looked Alice in the eye and growled. "She's mine. I've waited 3 centuries for her."

Alice frowned at me, "I can't see… I don't know what she'll choose."

"So tell me how you stumbled onto my Bella."

I listened as she relayed their fun in the park and tracking her here. How Edward professed his love for her and she tried to take her life.

"What about Ms. Tanya?" I asked.

"I don't know. They've been together you know. Our Eddie isn't virginal anymore."

"My Bella is still a virgin." I said.

"She's going to be confused when she wakes up. And a newborn Carlisle. We'll have to come up with a story."

For three days I sat by her side. Never leaving. Holding her hand and soothing her. Edward would come in and out, staring hateful daggers at me.

BPOV

The pain was finally ceasing and I felt myself waking up. I knew I was like them now. I opened my eyes and was greeted with the warm smile of Carlisle. My sire…

I sat up adjusting to my new speed and strength. Flexing my fingers looking at them with awe. Then at Carlisle. How had I never noticed how handsome he was? I smiled at him and he pulled me into a hug.

I hugged him back, his scent was driving me wild, and I knew I wanted to take him…

You can call me selfish

But all I want is your love

You can call me hopeless, hopeless

Because I'm hopelessly in love

You can call me unperfect but who's perfect?

Tell me what do I gotta do baby

To prove that I'm the only one for you?

His eyes met mine and his eyes were smoldering. I felt myself grow wet and I wondered why I had ever fought him.

I pulled him roughly to me, assaulting his mouth with mine. I loved him. I was selfish now I didn't care about Esme. I didn't care about Edward. I loved Carlisle. With all my soul. I was hopelessly and indefinitely in love with him.

Our mouths met with hot wet passion. His tongue probing my lips begging for entrance. I complied and our tongues dueled, fighting for dominance. My hands were fisted into his golden hair clinging to him. Holding him close to me. He had one arm around my waist, his other hand holding the back of my head.

It was tender, and passionate, and wild. I pulled back and let him search my eyes. He saw no resistance as he slowly removed my clothing. I stood naked before him in my brand new body.

"So beautiful Isabella." He purred.

I wasn't so careful, I ripped his clothes until they were nothing but shredded fabric on the floor. I took in his naked form and felt myself grow more aroused if it was possible.

His hard member stood at attention and my eyes widened with want. I needed to show him that I loved him. That I was sorry for denying him. So I sunk to my knees.

"Bella?" He questioned huskily.

I wrapped my hand around him and he hissed in pleasure. I licked my lips in anticipation the slowly wrapped my lips around the head. It was salty and sweet and was the most wonderful taste. My tongue swirled around the head several times and he groaned.

"mmm Bella."

I moved down the shaft slowly until he was deep in my throat and I hummed softly as I sucked my way back up.

He was groaning and grunting. On my knees I was pleasing him, and I was so wet that I was doing good for him. He grabbed my by the hair and began thrusting into my mouth. And I took it. I was a good girl…

He was about to cum and he stopped.

I whimpered, I wanted to taste him.

"All in good time my love." He said.

He lifted me up and threw me onto the bed. His lips attacked my neck. Kissing the marks he'd left. He traveled down to my collarbone and to my breasts. His lips and teeth raking over the already hardened nipples.

I let out a soft moan of pleasure.

His lips traveled leaving hot kisses down my stomach and to my thighs. I could feel his breath against my hot sex as he moved closer. Inhaling my scent.

"Carlisle." I panted.

His tongue gently spread my lips and licked me from top to bottom. It was an incredible feeling. His tongue sought out my clitoris and began licking in small but rough circles.

The heat and tingling in my stomach was intense as his mouth performed a miracle. He sucked on the bundle of nerves and my eyes flashed to his as my world came crashing down. I screamed his name out in bliss never taking my eyes off of his…

CPOV

I loved watching her cum. She tasted better than I could have ever imagined and I loved the noises I was creating in her. They were feral and primal. I loved it.

She pulled me up and kissed me. Tasting herself on my mouth and I loved it.

"Carlisle. Please. I need to feel you. I need you."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Please… I love you."

Those were the words I had been waiting to hear and I kissed her with conviction. I lay her back gently on the bed and positioned myself above her. My hardened member at her waiting entrance.

I rubbed my head up and down against her clit making her moan loudly. Then I pushed in, all the way in. I went right through her barrier and stopped.

"Fuck you're tight." I growled.

She adjusted to my size and we began moving together. In frenzied movements. Clinging to one another. Being inside her was like nothing I'd ever experienced. It felt so right like we were a perfect fit.

She flipped us so I was beneath her. Her hands on my chest as she rode me. Her long hair cascading down her back as she set a fast and hard rhythm. Her tits were bouncing in my face and I began sucking on them. Moving my hand so my thumb would brush against her clit.

I could feel her clenching around me and I knew it wouldn't be long.

She rode me harder and I flipped us again. Pounding into her with all of my force. Gripping her tits tight in my hands as I pushed deeper and deeper into her.

"C…C…C…Carlisle." I she screamed.

I felt her walls squeezing me and I couldn't hold it anymore.

"Bella." I grunted.

As shot after shot of my semen filled her.

We were both panting for unneeded breath as we came down from our high.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." I repeated kissing her.

She snuggled into me kissing my chest, "I love you…"

Selfishly I'm in love with you

'Cause I've searched my soul

And know that it's you

Selfishly I'm in love you

'Cause I've searched my soul

And I know that it's you

Selfishly I'm in love with you

'Cause I've searched my soul

And know that isn't you

To prove that I'm the only one for you

So what's wrong with being selfish, selfish, selfish

So what's wrong with being selfish? Yeah

BPOV

We finally decided to leave the bedroom to hunt. It had been three glorious days. And I was positively sore. But it felt so good. We decided we would have to leave the house anyways. We ran through the forest together coming to where Esme and her new husband were staying. We entered the house and the only person who was there… Was Edward.

He looked at me with tortured eyes and then to Carlisle.

"Father?"

I was confused. He took a step towards me and I wrapped my body around Carlisle.

"Bella?" He asked.

"I don't want to speak with you." I growled.

"But Bella… I want to…"

"I'm with Carlisle."

Edward looked between the two of us. Torn and broken. But I didn't care. I was selfish…


End file.
